I have often wondered
I still do…since I was a little girl
Is it cowardice or bravery to fail to speak up?
Am I brave to speak out
Am I too precocious
Too misguided perhaps
I ask….I….of such deep faith
Such deep faith…yet little faith
The size of a mustard seed…
It’s enough to move mountains
It’s moved mountains
But it fails to remove the conflict…that is my relationship with my mother
Am I allowed to get annoyed at my mother….
I am annoyed at my mother….is that not the same as questioning faith?
Is one not supposed to love ones mother unconditionally?
And does such questionING amount to dislocation of all that we hold dear?
My friend once told me he just recently forgave his mother for the beatings he received when he was young
I thought….why do you need to forgive your mother?
Aren’t mothers above reproach?
But mothers are only above reproach if you do not allow yourself to feel
And how can you love if you don’t allow yourself to feel
So I allowed myself to feel
And my soul feels dislocated
Dislocated .. . in deeply loving my mother and in so doing allowing myself to feel when she hurts me
We must allow our children to feel
Feel hurt … and feel love in equal measures….allow their souls to feel dislocated
To love….is to hurt….