of new mothers

The clouds up here are peaceful my heart is at peace
So I get to relax and reflect…..it’s also a time to properly meet my new mum….I know it sounds wacky….but I feel it….it’s been hectic new year ….time of rebirth….new beginnings….friendships renewed…some lost….twin flames reconnected….new things…new lives.. new skins.. new mindset

So yes I met my mother for the first time….it must have been a time like now…..well not really… this Rwandair is redefining turbulence!
I can barely type…..the serenity of the clouds outside belie the turbulence…the plane sways from side….the young girl next to me takes a selfie….really!!

Anyway the turbulence mirrors my feelings the first day I met my new mum
How do I describe her….her royal bearing…her stoic bearing….her head is held high….her eyes squint just slightly….she seems to say I can see right through you….I unconsciously straighten my dress and pat my hair in place
I hope I pass the scrutiny….I hope she accepts me…I think ……as I look around her home…..I reach out and instinctively lean on the nearest pillar….my pillar….the yam tendril for in this pillar next to me…I clearly see my new mum….

For just a moment I feel sad….why are you not here to show me around your home?
You see am a little scared…I have walked into your house and your compound….I don’t know anyone here mum…..who is the lady looking through the window. …who should I speak to and who not?
I feel the shadows….did you see the curtain move mum?
Why the shadows…..can I trust that shadow?…..

I am a little confused….what does he like to eat……what does he not….what makes him smile….what did he do that drove you up the wall….is that how he likes his breakfast mum?

I guess you never knew I was coming today
I think you would have waited
I think you would have put out the pots for me….or perhaps left some instructions… .do we cook that here?….I don’t know how to draw water like that.. . I know you would have taught me…
Where I come from we do….nothing is clear here mum……nothing is easy….I guess if you knew I was coming you would have waited and inducted me into your home…..now my home…

But your shoes are big mum…custom made….your taste impeccable….your stoicism! Your regal bearing….
Will I measure up
Am scared I will fall short

But I feel I will not
I feel you watching and nodding and smiling privately as I fumble
But I know I will make you proud mum
I am glad to have met you but you cannot leave
You must stay and induct me…..I need to know what you want done and how we do it

I need you to keep away the shadows
I need a guide mum….only you can be that …..i see your smile and I know am okay…..I am home…I have a yam tendril to tend for you and I ….I love you mum

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